In the Wrong Hands
by Bow to me Fools BOW I SAY
Summary: ...things could be disastrous. The Death Note and its Shinigami are deemed far too destructive. They are sent to someone trustworhty, and that someone is Ed. How will he deal with the annoying Shinigami? And who is after the Death Note?
1. Angelic Appearences

**A/N: Hey, peeps of the fanfic world! I have for you a Death Note/FMA crossover! Read on, my babes! Special thank you to my beta, Eevil Hero.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Death Note, don't own FMA, don't own the Archangels (just the version I've made of them).**

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><p><span>Chapter 1: Angelic Appearances<span>

"_Saint Michael the Archangel,  
><em>_defend us in battle;  
><em>_be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.  
><em>_May God rebuke him, we humbly pray:  
><em>_and do thou, O Prince of the heavenly host,  
><em>_by the power of God,  
><em>_thrust into hell Satan and all the evil spirits  
><em>_who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls.  
><em>_Amen."_

_-Catholic Prayer_

* * *

><p>Michael had his sword to the Shinigami King's throat.<p>

"How could you have let this happen?" he questioned angrily, "Death Notes don't belong in the human world, and yet you have allowed this one to slip by your notice, thus resulting in this mass slaughter!"

Saying that Michael was upset would be like saying that Ryuk had only a passing fancy for apples. He had appointed the Shinigami King to watch over this world for him. He and his kinsmen couldn't be around all the time. The Angels had to look after all the worlds and all the universes. It seemed as if he had misplaced his trust in this creature, and betrayal was not something he tolerated.

The Shinigami King was on his knees, begging Michael to spare his life. He, the one whose form humans were unable to comprehend. He, who ruled over all Shinigami, over all of death. He was a powerful creature, indeed, but he was a sane one, and anyone sane, no matter how powerful, feared the Archangels.

"Please! Ryuk acted of his own accord! He tricked me! Please, I beg of you! There was nothing I could do!" he pleaded, cowering before Michael.

A hand covered Michael's, gently forcing him to lower his weapon.

"Michael, this isn't the answer. You're letting your anger get in the way of your judgment. I've observed Ryuk before, and believe that he needs to be removed." The other's voice was steady and logical. It cut through his companion's anger.

Michael sighed and sheathed his sword.

"You have a point, Gabriel," he admitted, "But that won't be enough. That human was far too powerful, and I fear that the notebook will continue to cause damage even after his death. It needs to be removed from this world as well."

Michael paused and thought for a moment. Then he turned back to Gabriel and pointed at the portal to the human world.

"Go," he said, "Retrieve the Death Note. Keep it safe in your possession for now. I will go to another world and seek out the one who currently carries the symbol. When I find that person, bring it to him."

Gabriel nodded and, spreading his wings, flew down to the gruesome scene that had just occurred in a certain warehouse in Japan. Michael turned back to the shuddering Shinigami. He pulled out his sword and held it to its throat once more.

"Keep better control over your subjects, or I won't be as merciful next time," he threatened. He then spread his wings and flew to the next world to begin his search.

* * *

><p>Edward Elric found himself buried under a pile of rubble. He was unable to move. He couldn't clap his hands at all. Without alchemy, things seemed pretty hopeless. Ed had already told Al to go off in another direction and get backup while Ed held them off, and now he was left alone without help.<p>

Ed lied with his face in the dirt. He was loosing blood and his body was going numb. He still tried to struggle, but it was pointless. He was done for.

Suddenly, a strong gust of wind blew past him, and he felt the weight of the rubble lift. Just before he passed out, he could've sworn he'd seen a flurry of wings.

* * *

><p>Ed opened his eyes. The world seemed to spin and blur, so he blinked a few times to clear his vision. He sat up in the bed he found himself in and the world spun again. He groaned and put his head in his hands.<p>

"Are you alright?" said a voice. Ed looked up to find the speaker, blinking a few more times to bring him into focus.

Sitting, cross-legged, on the foot of the bed was a young boy. His skin and hair were dark and his eyes were a brilliant shade of green.

"Who are you?" Ed asked.

"Raphael," the boy answered, "How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay. How did I get here? And where is here?" Ed asked, rubbing his temples.

"My brother, Gabriel, brought you," Raphael said. Ed paused and looked at him with a confused expression.

"You don't remember? You've been awake a couple of times this month," said Raphael. Ed's expression changed to one of surprise. He'd been there for a whole month?

"Easy, Raphael," said another voice, "You're overwhelming him,"

"Sorry, Gabriel. I'm not good at giving people information. That's your forte," Raphael said.

Ed looked over to see Gabriel. He found a tall man with long, blonde hair and clear eyes. He turned to Ed.

"Hello, Edward. It's good to see you awake and aware." He held out his hand and Ed shook it.

"I hope we haven't inconvenienced you," Gabriel went on, "There was no hospital for miles and your wounds were pretty serious."

"Nah," Ed replied, "I guess I owe you for saving my ass."

"I don't deserve all the credit. Raphael is the one who stitched you up," Gabriel said, gesturing towards the boy, "I know he seems childish,"—a glare towards Raphael—"but he's extremely competent in the medical field."

Ed looked at the boy, who smiled hugely in return. Ed smiled back, and let out a yawn.

"I'd say two more days of bed rest before you can leave," Raphael declared, looking him up and down. Ed tried to formulate a protest, but ended up just yawning again. Soon after that, he drifted back to sleep.

* * *

><p>When Ed had healed and ready to leave, Gabriel came to him with a task.<p>

"I want you to take this," he said, handing Ed a small, black notebook. Ed flipped through it. It was all written in a language that he didn't recognize and most was in an alphabet he'd never seen before. He looked up with a puzzled expression.

"Keep that safe and secret, and, above all, do _not_ write in it," Gabriel said sternly.

"Okay..." Ed agreed, still confused, "But what exactly is it?"

"Just trust him," Raphael advised, "He knows what he's talking about. Besides, if you want to repay us for saving your life, this would be the way to do it,"

Ed _had_ said that he owed them for saving him, so he pocketed the notebook. He supposed his questions could wait. Gabriel and Raphael then insisted on escorting him to the train station, so they all set out together.

"Piggy-back time!" Raphael shouted, jumping on Gabriel's back. Gabriel groaned.

"Can't you at least _try_ to act your age?" he questioned, "What would Michael say?"

"He'd say you're being a stiff, old codger and to relax a little," Raphael said gleefully. Gabriel sighed in defeat and walked on.

Ed found himself chuckling by the end of the exchange, and wondered how his own brother was doing.

His own brother! Crap! He'd forgotten to call and say he was alright! Al was probably worried sick by now.

"Gabriel, there doesn't happen to be a phone around here, does there?" he asked. Gabriel said that there wasn't. Ah, well. Ed supposed he'd just have to surprise his brother upon his return.

**A/N: There you have it! The first chappie! I hope you liked it! **


	2. Hey there

**A/N: Second chappie! And only *looks at publishing date* a month and a half later! Yay procrastination! Okay, so let's continue on with the story, kay? **

**Oh, and why yes the Elrics have an apartment in East City. Why, you ask? How, you ask? Well, firstly, because that's where Ed works, so that is where he spends the majority of his time (when not traveling). Secondly, the military provided it for him, the whole building belongs to them. Couple of different officers (who can afford it) are living there. And thirdly, it worked for the story! **

**Special thanks to my beta, Eevil Hero, who I will continue to thank in every A/N of this story, because she is just so GREAT! **

**Disclaimer: There is no ownership happening here. I'm just a dork who likes FMA and Death Note too much! ^.^**

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><p><span>Chapter 2: "Hey, there"<span>

"_You best start believin' in ghost stories, Miss Turner. You're in one." _

–_Captain Barbossa (Pirates of the Caribbean)_

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><p>Ed had to walk home from the train station in the middle of a storm. When he kicked the door in to his and Al's apartment in East City, he was greeted by a surprised shout and a bone-crushing hug. Once all of the "Are you okay?"s and the "What happened?"s and the "Where were you?"s had been answered and Al was finally satisfied that his brother was, in fact, alright, he went back to reading his book.<p>

Once things had quieted down, Ed went into the other room and took out the notebook. He flipped through the pages, studying the strange writing. He still couldn't understand a word of it. That is, assuming those symbols stood for words. The only things he could actually read were the covers and a name or two inside, but even those were in a different language, so he was really only guessing.

He wondered what it said. Perhaps it was some dangerous alchemy or possibly another lead on the Philosopher's Stone. It had to be something like that. Why else would Gabriel have told him to keep it a secret?

Whatever the reason, he was going to tell Al. If it was, in fact, a lead on the Stone, then he would have to. In any case, he needed help deciphering it.

He stared at the page that had one readable name on it, in print much larger than the others: "Lind L. Taylor."

As he pondered what that could mean, a voice from the window said, "Hey there."

Ed jumped about a mile out of his skin and landed on the floor beside his bed. He hadn't heard anyone coming, and usually his senses were pretty keen on that.

"Who the hell are you?" he asked angrily from the floor.

"I am a Shinigami, a god of death," the voice replied. The owner of the voice stepped into the light, and Ed could see him clearly for the first time. He looked like he was wearing some sort of costume, his face a terrifying blue mask with a twisted smile. "But you can call me Ryuk."

Now that Ed had a grasp on the situation, he chuckled and picked himself up off the floor.

"Well, Ryuk, you do realize you're trespassing, right?" Ed asked. Ryuk cocked his head in a confused manner.

"That's odd," he said, "Humans don't normally react like this."

Ed rolled his eyes.

"Look, pal, if you wanted to scare someone you came to the wrong place. I don't believe in things like gods of death," he said.

Ryuk chuckled as lightning flashed in the storm behind him.

"Don't you? Well, I suppose I'll have to prove it, then."

Ryuk looked out the window. Ed watched as he wrote in a notebook that looked much like the one Gabriel had given him. Ryuk beckoned him over and pointed into the storm. Outside, there was a man hurrying along in the pouring rain.

"In 20 seconds, that man will die," he stated. Ed's breath caught. Before he could say anything, Ryuk shushed him and pointed at the man again. Ed clutched the windowsill.

…10 seconds—the man was fumbling around in his pocket—five seconds—he pulled out a pen and wrote something on his hand—3… 2… 1… He froze and collapsed.

Ed stared for a few seconds before jumping out the window. He rushed down the fire escape.

"Hey! Buddy!" he called.

Once he got to the man, he checked for a pulse. Nothing. Another flash of lighting showed what the man had written on his hand: "It's true, Edward."

Ed dropped the man's arm and jumped back. That just didn't make sense! It had to be a trick!

"Believe me yet?"

Ed turned and looked up at Ryuk. Two black wings were protruding from his back and he was floating a few inches above the ground.

Ed was getting scared in spite of himself. He clapped his hands and sent a stone fist hurtling towards the creature.

"You missed," Ryuk taunted when it didn't hit its mark. He hadn't even moved. The rock just went right through him. Ed was frozen and speechless.

"Now do you believe? Or would you like another demonstration?" Ryuk offered, poising his pen above the notebook. Ed glanced back at the dead body.

"No," he said, defeated, and got back to his feet, "So, we've established that you're powerful. Now what do you want?"

"You have something of mine," said Ryuk, "You were studying it quite intently just a minute ago."

Ed realized that he was talking about the notebook.

"I'm not giving it back to you," he said defiantly. Ryuk laughed.

"Now, I never said that I wanted it back," He leaned forward, bringing his face close to Ed's. "Would you like to know what it does?" he asked. When all he received for an answer was a glare, he decided to continue: "It's called a Death Note. The rules are pretty simple, actually. Write down any human's name, and they die."

Ed's eyes widened. He pulled the small black notebook out and leafed through it. Those symbols that he couldn't understand were names. Page after page after page of the names of the dead. Ed slammed it shut, unable to look anymore. It wasn't an alchemy journal, after all. It was a body count.

Ryuk had been reading over his shoulder.

"Light sure was something, wasn't he?" he said. Sensing Ed's confusion, he explained: "He was the first and last human owner of this particular Death Note."

Ed clenched his fists tighter around the demon notebook. One person? _One person_ had done all of that? Killed all of those people?

"He was nearly the god of his world, you know," Ryuk mentioned. Then he leaned forward again and spoke into Ed's ear: "You could be, too."

"No," Ed said immediately, "I'm not a god."

"But you _could_ be," Ryuk said, attempting to persuade him, "Think of all the _good_ you could do. All the bad people you could wipe from the earth."

"That's not my call to make," Ed stated.

"Fine, then. If you're really not going to use it…" Ryuk held out his hand.

Ed's head was bowed, his rain-soaked hair covering his eyes. He smirked and put the notebook back into the inside pocket of his jacket.

"Do you really think I'd give it to you after what you just told me and what I've just seen?" he asked. Ryuk laughed again.

"You're quite the defiant human, aren't you? Well, if that's the case, it looks as if you and I will be spending a lot more time together."

* * *

><p>Ed stormed out of his room and slammed the door shut behind him, startling Al out of his book. He looked up to see his brother sliding down the wall and looking helplessly at the floor.<p>

"Brother? What's wrong?" he asked, standing up and walking over, "And why are you all wet?"

"It's nothing, Al," Ed replied, his expression unchanged. Al tried to coax an answer from him, but Ed continued to insist that it was nothing.

He'd decided not to tell Al. He didn't want to burden him with the information, and it wasn't like he'd believe him anyway. Before Ed had walked out of the room, Ryuk had told him that one needed to touch to the Death Note in order to see Shinigami.

"I'm only telling you because it won't be as much fun if they lock you up for 'hearing voices'," he'd said.

Ed stood up. He ignored his brother's offer to help and, leaning against the wall, made his way to the bathroom.

Once there, he stripped off his wet clothes and got in the shower, trying to warm himself up. However, it wasn't the cold rain that had sent him shivering. Sure, he had put on a bold and cocky face in front of Ryuk—and he would continue to—but, in all honesty, the whole idea of the Death Note really scared him.

When he was done with his shower, he walked over to his wet clothes and picked up the Death Note. To think that someone could kill people with just the stroke of a pen! And to think that someone had. Now he understood why Gabriel had told him to keep it safe and a secret. In the wrong hands, it would mean the end of life as they knew it. He made a promise to himself to hold onto the thing and hide it and never _ever_ write it.

He took a deep breath, and prepared himself to face Ryuk again.

**A/N: Hey, look you guys! The title of the story! Right in the second to last paragraph. I shall reiterate what I said in the disclaimer: I am a dork. I am proud of that fact! **

**So, read and review, and have a wonderful day and/or night! **


	3. Worry

**A/N: Well this has taken FOR FUCKING EVER! I apologize for the lateness and all. Unfortunately, this is a song you will be hearing from me quite often. You see, I am a procrastinator and am very easily distracted by shiny things. Like Ranma ½ and FLCL, neither of which make any sense whatsoever. It's just a constant strain of "lol wat?" **

**Ahem, anywhos, I have decided to change a thing or two in these chappies, like adding a quote to the beginning of each one. Sound like fun? Yes! Onward! And thanks to my Beta, Eevil Hero. You're the bestest! **

**Disclaimer: Go away, I'm tryin' ta sleep here. **

**Lawsuit: *pokes me with cattle prod***

**Me: OKAY! Okay! I don't own anything! **

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><p><span>Chapter 3: Worry<span>

"_My shadow's the only one that walks beside me  
>My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating<br>Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me  
>'til then I walk alone"<em>

_-Green Day (Boulevard of Broken Dreams)_

* * *

><p>"Come on, Brother. Tell me what's bugging you," Al implored. He and Ed were walking down a puddle-strewn street the morning after the storm.<p>

"Yeah, Ed, what's bugging you?" Ryuk teased from behind, invisible to all but the older Elric.

Ed's eye twitched, but he faked a smile and turned to Al, saying, "I already told you. I'm fine."

Al wasn't convinced. He'd peeked into Ed's room that night when Ed should have been asleep. Instead, he was staring at a strange black notebook and talking to himself in the dark.

Ed hadn't even noticed him there. He had spent the whole night talking to Ryuk about how the Death Note worked. The thing had been weighing heavily on his mind and there was something about Ryuk that wouldn't let him take his guard down enough to sleep.

The brothers walked along for a while more in silence, Ryuk floating behind. Al kept taking glances at Ed but Ed kept his head down, his eyes unable to be seen. At the corner store that was Al's destination, Al stopped, but Ed kept walking. There was no "See ya later, Al!" or a fist bump or "Don't you dare buy milk again!"

"Uh... Bye, Brother," Al called after him. Ed paused as if jerked out of a thought and looked back.

"Oh... yeah... bye, Al," he replied distractedly. This worried Al—not that he wasn't already worried—but he waved goodbye and walked into the store, figuring he would get the reason out of Ed later.

Ed and Ryuk continued to look at the front of the shop.

"Must be weird, not having a body," Ryuk commented.

"How do you know?" Ed asked, surprised.

"Remember the Shinigami Eyes I told you about?" Ed nodded. "That's how I know. His life span doesn't show up," Ryuk explained.

Ed thought about it. Every human's name and lifespan should show up except for the owner of a Death Note, so why didn't Al's? Did it mean he wasn't really human? That there was no hope for them? Ed growled and turned around. He walked forward, trying to push that thought away, but he knew he would lose more sleep over it later.

* * *

><p>Ed walked *coughkickedthedoorincough* into Colonel Roy Mustang's office. He had a report to give.<p>

"Well, hello there, Fullmetal," Roy greeted, "I heard that you went missing for a while. And here I was, thinking that you'd just crawled into a mouse hole to avoid me!"

"QUIT CALLIN' ME SMALL, YOU BASTARD! ! !" Ed shouted, slamming his report on the desk. Roy smirked and picked it up. Ed stormed over to the couch and sat down, leaving his superior to read through it.

"Ever think about taking a class on handwriting?" Roy teased.

"Go jump in a river," Ed shot back, glaring in the opposite direction.

"You can make him do that, if you want," Ryuk whispered in Ed's ear. Ed paled, remembering the deadly object he carried in his pocket. Unfortunately, that was the moment Roy chose to look up.

"Something up, kid?" he asked.

"No," Ed stated, refusing to meet his gaze. It was irrational to think that Roy would guess, but Ryuk's presence was feeling particularly heavy at the moment.

Roy, of course, would not be deterred so easily. He walked over and grabbed the boy's chin, forcing Ed to look at him. He noticed the buried fear in Ed's eyes and the circles under them. There was definitely something up. Ed swatted the hand away.

"Fullmetal, did something happen after you disappeared?" Roy asked, his tone serious. Ed didn't answer, but instead glared down at his lap. Roy sighed in an irritated manner and put his hands on his subordinate's shoulders.

"Do I have to say it? We were all worried about you. Even I was worried. How many times do I have to tell you that you can talk to me, Ed?" Roy really had been worried. The second he'd heard that Ed hadn't returned with his brother, he'd sent out search parties which he'd personally accompanied. Nearly a month later, after a fruitless search effort, Ed came waltzing back into East City, perfectly unharmed. When he'd walked into the office that morning, Roy hadn't known whether to hug the kid for being alright or scold him for allowing himself to go missing, so he'd settled on simply going about business as usual.

For a second, Ed wanted to tell Roy about the Death Note. The more he thought about it, however, the more he realized it was a bad idea. If the military knew of what that little notebook could do, they would have a destructive power on their hands greater than the State Alchemists. Ed couldn't let that happen. Even though Roy was trustworthy, he was still military. He shrugged the man's hands off of his shoulders.

"Nothing happened," he lied and, standing up, walked out of the room.

Once they were away from any people, Ryuk asked, "So, it's just you and me, huh?"

"That's right," Ed replied, his tone leaving no room for argument, "Just you and me."

**A/N: There ya go. Chapter 3. And it was short. Like Ed. **

**Ed: Bitch! *kills***

**Me: *dies and comes back to life* I promise more better things later! Maybe. Oh, look! Shiny anime! *watches***


	4. Background Noise

***EXTRA NOTE* WAS WRITTEN RIGHT AFTER CHRISTMAS. AND THEN MY BETA GOT INTO A TERRIBLE ACCIDENT! SHE NEEDS TIME TO HEAL, SO DEAL WITH THE LATENESS! ! ! IT'S NOT LIKE I'M USING HER INJURY AS AN EXCUSE TO COVER FOR MY OWN PROCRASTINATION. ((lies!)) SHUT UP! **

***DOUBLE EXTRA NOTE* WOW, CHRISTMAS WAS PRETTY FAR AWAY RIGHT? HEHE. YEAH… WELL YOU KNOW I HAD TO FIND A NEW BETA AND ALL AND… JUST READ THE STORY AND BE GREATFUL I GOT IT OUT AT ALL! I AM THE PROCRASTINATION QUEEN! BOW TO ME! ! ! BOOOOOOOOWW! ! ! !**

**A/N: So guess what this fanfiction author got for Christmas? THE ENTIRE MANGA BOX SET OF BOTH FMA AND DEATH NOTE! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! I'M STILL FREAKING OUT ABOUT IT! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! **

**AHHHHHHHHHAAHAHAH!F! ! ! !FJO!OASLF!JOSGJLDSA;OS1! ! ! ! ! ! !**

**I mean, this ficcy is based off the anime of FMA and the manga of Death Note... so... yeah. I've just been rereading it all. Just cuz I lurves it soooooo! STILL FREAKING OUT! ! ! ! !OOLFVF AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALSOSVHLS QOS1! ! ! ! ! ! !OFUOEWOU9843LSIOQ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !**

**LL**

**Ahem... right! Story! **

**Disclaimer: I may be the proud owner of both box sets, but still not of the story line, and, just now, I'm okay with that. *huggles manga***

**And I put the A/N and quote in before my beta, Eevil Hero, got to read it! Livin' on the edge! ! ! ! (NOTE: MY NEW BETA IS Call Me Tom. AWESOME NEW BETA IS AWESOME!)**

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><p><span>Chapter 4: Background Noise<span>

"_I'm the fear that keeps you awake_

_I'm the shadows on the wall_

_I'm the monsters they become_

_I'm the nightmare in your skull_

_I'm the dagger in your back_

_An extra turn upon the rack_

_I'm the quivering of your heart _

_A stabbing pain, a sudden start"_

_-Voltaire (When You're Evil)_

* * *

><p>After a while, Ed got used to Ryuk. The Shinigami gained his entertainment from Ed's missions and battles, and Ed would throw him an apple every now and again. They would even talk sometimes, but mostly, Ryuk just faded into the background. He became the gargoyle on the building; the shadow following behind him. Yes, Ryuk was just a part of the scenery. Just another piece of death in Ed's life.<p>

* * *

><p>"The main ingredient of a Philosopher's Stone… is live humans."<p>

Ryuk laughed, making Ed want to stand up and punch him. He desperately wanted to yell at him to shut the _fuck_ up. Unfortunately for Ed, yelling at one's shadow is never a good idea, especially when there are others in the room. Ed just had to sit there and take it.

"Isn't it ironic," Ryuk mentioned after a while, "that the object you've spent years searching for is just like the one hidden in your pocket?"

Could that be true? Ryuk _had_ said that Shinigami absorb power through their Death Notes. How could Ed have been so naive to think that the Stone would be any different? The equivalency had to come from somewhere. Ed already had experience with how much a soul could cost from his failed human transmutation. Just think of that energy reversed!

He pushed those thoughts out of his mind. This couldn't be the only way to make a stone. It just couldn't! He and Al had worked too hard to come to a conclusion like this! And Ed knew he was _not_ about to go killing people just for personal gain. He wasn't like Light Yagami. There just had to be some other way!

But what if there wasn't? What if the Powers That Be really did have it out for him? He was marked now not only with a missing arm and leg, but with a Shinigami as well. Maybe he and his brother were never meant to get anything back.

And Ryuk wouldn't stop laughing. He would just keep laughing and laughing and it was driving Ed insane.

But maybe he deserved all this. He had been the one who had tried to play god, so the universe dangled the answers in front of him just so it would be more painful when it snatched them away. Maybe he should just succumb to the insanity now before anything worse happened.

* * *

><p>Ed sat in the hospital bed, his arms folded and brow furrowed. The Death Note was on the table beside him and Ross and Brosh were standing in front, staring nervously at a space just beside Ed. Al had requested earlier to be put on the roof, and that was just fine by Ed. He didn't want Al to hear this anyway.<p>

"So you both touched it," Ed accused.

"We didn't mean to, Edward. The doctors were getting your jacket off and it fell out. We just wanted to make sure it got back to you," Ross explained. Brosh was still staring, dumbfounded, at the space beside Ed. Where Ryuk stood.

"Looks like it's not just you and me anymo..." he began.

"Shut up, Ryuk!" Ed cut him off.

"Uh...Ed? What exactly is that thing?" Brosh asked, his eyes not leaving Ryuk.

"It doesn't matter," Ed replied, "The point is, neither of you will tell _anyone_ about this. I'll command you as a superior officer if I have to. Just keep it a _secret_."

"You could always kill them," Ryuk suggested, "You have their names and the Death Note."

"You know I'd never do that, Ryuk," Ed reminded him. He was in no mood to deal with the Shinigami. His lead had been crushed, he and his brother had almost been killed, and now two soldiers had discovered his secret. Ryuk was enjoying the situation as much as Ed wasn't, and Ed hated him for it. Still, there was one question he needed to ask.

"Listen, Ryuk, I'll give you a bushel of apples if you answer me something," Ed offered.

"A bushel?" Ryuk repeated, intrigued.

"When we were fighting those people in Lab 5, what did you see?" Ryuk understood the meaning of the question immediately.

"No names, no lifespans," he replied. So it was true. Those homunculi were the real deal.

Ryuk then turned to Ross and Brosh.

"You heard the kid. Go get me my apples," he commmanded.

Brosh nodded and practically sprinted out. Ross stayed for a few moments, hoping Ed would say more. He didn't, so she sighed and turned to leave, closing the door quietly behind her on her way out.

* * *

><p>Ed was making his way to the train station while tossing an apple in the air and catching it. Al and Winry were walking ahead, chatting about something or other. Ed didn't care to join the conversation, being too preoccupied with his own thoughts.<p>

Ever since he had found out about the Stone and the homunculi, he'd felt as if the enemy was constantly following him around. In other words, he trusted Ryuk even less now. He was able to draw so many connections between the two groups that it was unnerving.

His guard was so focused on the Shinigami that he didn't think to avoid the man walking by, and subsequently bumped into him.

"I'm sorry," said the man. His hair and eyes were brown and he was wearing a blue military uniform. His apology seemed sincere, but there was something about him that made Ed's caution senses go off. He just couldn't put his finger on it...

In any case, he was gone as soon as he'd come, leaving Ed to wonder. He went to take a bite out of his apple, but found that there were already bite marks in it.

"Dammit, that one was mine," he muttered, and tossed it back for Ryuk to finish.

* * *

><p>Ryuk had been silent for the entire train ride, which was strange even for him. Ed figured that he would at least be begging for a slice of Gracia's apple pie, but no. He hadn't made a sound, almost as if he was lost in some kind of deep thought. It was weird to think of the Shinigami like that, since Ed had come to know him as obnoxious and a bit of an idiot to boot.<p>

When he finally got a minute, after Winry had decided to nearly kill him with her wrench in Rush Valley, Ed decided to ask Ryuk what was up.

"Hey," Ed said as loud as he dared to be.

"Hmmmm?" Ryuk responded. It wasn't like the kid to actively seek conversation from him.

"The hell is up with you? You haven't said a word all day," Ed asked. Ryuk just shrugged.

"Oh, you know. Old friends and evil plots," he said. Ed growled and walked faster, annoyed with himself for even asking.

"Too bad all your old friends are dead," he muttered sarcastically.

Unbeknownst to Ed, Ryuk's smile widened as he said under his breath, "Too bad, indeed."

* * *

><p>Ryuk had decided early on that he liked Izumi Curtis, namely because of the fear she inspired in her students. There was, however, one threat that she posed: she <em>knew <em>that Ed was hiding something. If she ever figured out what that was, she would no doubt snatch it away from him. As much as Ryuk enjoyed watching her beat the Elrics senseless, he really did not feel like staying with her.

For a while, he waited for the confrontation, but it never came. No accusations, no demands for Ed to turn out his pockets; just a knowing glare. That was, until she managed to talk to Ed alone:

"Out with it."

"With what?"

"Don't play dumb with me, smartass. Out with it or I'll beat it out of you."

"Oh! Choose the beating option! That's always funny!"

Ed cast a glare towards Ryuk, which, of course, Izumi noticed. She grabbed his chin, forcing him to look at her, and said in a stern tone, "This is your last chance, Edward."

"I can't," Ed admitted.

"Why?" his teacher demanded.

"Because I promised the people who saved my life that I wouldn't. It was an equivalent exchange."

"Fine," Izumi grumbled after a moment, "But don't think I won't be watching you. Now go help your brother set the table." Ed nodded and walked out.

Ryuk really liked that woman. It was too bad she was going to die so soon.

* * *

><p>Not long after an unfortunate series of events involving a young boy who had turned out to be Izumi's homunculus sporting Ed's missing limbs, the Elrics were sent to Dante's house in order to get Izumi her medicine and hopefully some answers for themselves. Dante was Izumi's old master and a medicinal alchemist. And Ryuk hated her.<p>

It wasn't anything personal, he just…hated her. He couldn't really explain it. It was almost instinctual. He supposed it had something to do with the fact that her name and lifespan weren't clearly defined. They kept changing, flashing between several names and numbers and sometimes flickering out completely.

Suddenly, Ryuk understood the reason for his hate. This woman had been black-listed by Death, himself. She was a cheater, stealing from his species. In other words, she had managed to stay alive for far longer than she should. Her crimes were much worse than the attempted theft the Elrics and Izumi had committed, and she would be punished severely…

Ryuk shook his head, refusing to give in to the hive mind his species occasionally shared. He was a rebel, he reminded himself, not because he thought the way things were was unfair, but because the way things were bored him. Not only might this Dante woman have an extremely intriguing story, but there was also a good chance that she was going to end up raising some kind of hell for the Elrics.

* * *

><p>Okay, this was just ridiculous. <em>Now<em> Ryuk understood why his people did not reign over this world: too many freaks with weird things concerning their names and life spans. At the moment, he was looking at a group of people, whose names and life spans occasionally flickered out, and their leader, who had neither.

Ryuk groaned and began to float out the door, saying "You're on your own, kid. I'm really kinda sick of this shit." He paused, waiting for some kind of acknowledgement from Ed, but Ed didn't even flinch, being so focused on his brother's kidnappers.

"Yeah… whatever…" Ryuk said awkwardly, and left. His head hurt. A lot. Seriously, what the hell was wrong with this world? How could it possibly be too crazy for even _him_ to handle?

* * *

><p>On their way to Ishbal, Ed and Al had gotten into an argument, which turned into an alchemy fight, which ended with Ed storming off.<p>

"…What's his problem anyway? He complains about everything," Ed complained later while eating alone, "Hey, Al, pass the salt." It took him a second to realize that Al wasn't there.

Ryuk took the salt and dangled it in front of Ed's face, saying, "You're a real wreck, kid." Ed angrily snatched it out of the Shinigami's hand, but did not deny the statement. Ryuk floated down into the chair across from Ed, for once not laughing.

"What are you going to do if he dies, kid?" he asked. Ed turned away.

"That's not gonna happen," he stated firmly.

"Of course it's not, but what if he does?" Ryuk asked again. Ed turned back around, his eyes burning.

"Are you threatening…"

"No," Ryuk cut him off, "Believe it or not, I'm actually trying to have a serious conversation with you. So tell me: if he dies what do you want me to do?"

"What do you mean?"

"Face it, kid, if Baby Brother dies, you're gonna break, and as much as I hate you, it'd just be too weird to see you like that. So, in the case of such a _tragic_ event, what do you want me to do?"

Ed scoffed and turned away. They'd have to kill him before something like that ever even had a chance of happening. But even as he promised himself this, Ryuk's words were echoing in his head: _If Baby Brother dies, you're gonna break._ Ed knew that Ryuk was right. There were times when he could hardly handle the nightmares. How could he even possibly hope to handle the real thing?

Suddenly, the full impact of what Ryuk was suggesting hit him: _Do you want me to kill you?_ What was worse, Ed realized that he wanted to accept the offer. He hated showing weakness, especially to Ryuk, but he knew that he would never be punished otherwise. His friends would try to comfort him, tell him it wasn't his fault, but it would always be his fault. It was his job to protect his little brother and he would not be able to live with himself if he failed that job.

"Well?" Ryuk asked, impatient for an answer.

Ed stood up and, without looking at Ryuk, said, "Write down my name and get the hell out of my world," before running off to find Alphonse.

* * *

><p>Ryuk looked at Lyra with his head cocked o the side. So <em>that<em> was how she did it. She jumped from one body to the next, and in effect took the host body's remaining years for herself, thus elongating her own life. It was similar to the way in which the Shinigami lived, but not a perfect formula—_her_ soul would wear out eventually.

Be that as it may, Dante was a clever woman, and Ryuk would have taken a liking to her if he could shake off the instinctual hate. She was even manipulating Scar into making a Philosopher's Stone for her and forcing Edward to help get her and the rest of the citizens out of the line of fire. Just what was she going to show him next? How much like Light was she going to end up?

* * *

><p>Their father was one too? Holy mother fucking <em>god<em> this was good!

Something was strange, though. Ryuk did not feel any instinctual hatred towards Hohenheim, which meant that the man was not black-listed. Why was that? He had done the same thing as Dante, so why…

OH! The symbol! Of course! Izumi must have gotten the symbol she passed down to Ed from Dante, and there was obviously some kind of connection between Dante and Hohenheim. She must have picked it up from him somehow, and passed it down until it actually managed to get back to its rightful bearer.

And here Ryuk had begun to think that Edward Elric was just some random unfortunate who had been mistaken by the angels as the rightful bearer. Oh, who was he kidding? There was nothing random when it came to the symbol, even if Ed did not know what it meant to be the bearer.

Ryuk supposed he would just have to wait to see if Ed ever figured out the truth about his heritage.

* * *

><p>Ed had finally figured it out. Lyra was Dante. She and Hohenheim had been using the Philosopher's Stone to jump from body to body for nearly 400 years. She had kidnapped Al in order to use him to take over Rose's body, and now she was using a baby to prove to Ed that equivalent exchange was nonexistent.<p>

Just after Ed had managed to get the baby down and give it back to Rose, a man walked up behind Dante. He put a hand on her shoulder, smiling. Ed recognized him. It seemed like ages ago that he'd bumped into the man on his way to the Central City train station. He was different now, though. He wasn't wearing the military blue, and his smile was no longer friendly.

"Did you drag him down here, too, Dante?" Ed accused, "Is he for Hohenheim?" The man chuckled.

"Don't think so little of me, Edward," he said, "I'm only here because you are." The man took a few steps forward.

"You see, I've been watching you for some time now, and I've found that you have something I want." At this, his sinister smile grew more mocking. "A certain notebook."

Ed's eyes widened. So, it turned out that someone in the military was already after the Death Note. It was no surprise that they knew. They had the Philosopher's Stone and were run by homunculi, after all.

Ed glared at the man and transmuted his arm into a blade.

"You'll have to kill me first," he stated. He wouldn't let them get their hands on an object like that.

In response, the man clapped his own hands and placed one over the ground. Alchemic light flashed and a black scythe rose up to meet his waiting hand.

_He's seen The Gate, too? Just perfect! _Ed thought angrily. Still, his wasn't the best alchemy Ed had ever seen.

The man ran forward and swung his weapon. Ed parried the blow easily. The fight wasn't a long one. A few more clangs of scythe on arm-sword, and it was over, Ed having sliced the blade off the scythe. The man backed away to his initial position.

"Well, I suppose I never was too good at hand-to-hand combat," he said, smiling again.

Ed saw a light out of the corner of his eye. He turned around, too late, to see that the baby had a transmutation circle on its stomach. Ed's eyes widened, but before he could do anything to stop it, he was pulled into The Gate.

* * *

><p>Ed had pushed his way back through The Gate and now had to fight his way through Envy.<p>

"Stop jerking me around!" Ed shouted, going for another punch. Finally, Envy showed him his true face. He was Hohenheim's son; Ed's half-brother. Ed was frozen as Envy explained his jealousy of Ed and Al for taking his place, and remained frozen just long enough for Envy to run Ed through.

The man with the sinister smile laughed as the life left Ed's eyes and Al began to scream. He walked over and took the Death Note out of Ed's jacket pocket.

"You should have known better than to mess with gods," he gloated. Beside him sat a Shinigami, eating an apple and watching events unfold.

"Hello, Ryuk," the man greeted. Ryuk chuckled and stood up.

"Hey, there, Light," he said, "didn't I kill you?"

Light Yagami smiled.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Le gasp! Ed! **

_**Le gasp! **_**Light! **

**Will the madness never cease! ?**

**Mom: Do your homework or I'm taking that manga away!**

**Me: *holds manga protectively* This is all so upsetting it needs a pick-me-up! Something like...**

**THE TOTALLY ACCURATE SUMMARY OF ED AND PAPA HOHO'S ADVENTURE IN LONDON! **

**Ed: Derp?**

**HoHo: Derp derp! **

**Ed: Derpedy derpy derp?**

**Hoho: Derp derp de derp derp.**

**People in Car: Derp! Derp derp!**

**HoHo: Derp. *leaves***

**Ed: *angrily* Derp derp derp. Derp derp de derp!**

**Happy Flaming Zepplin: DERP! *crashes***

**Ed: *in death whisper* **_**deeeeerp...**_** *claps, returns to Amestris***

**AND THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED. Till next time, peeps! **


End file.
